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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 25, 2009 11:08:22 GMT -5
This is a completely original work I'm gonna start writing for Mega Chillax. this has not been planned out or anything beforehand, so if it seems a bit improvised, that's because it is.
The city sleeps. The day is Friday, the twenty-fifth of October. In the morning, all of the city's youth who are 16 years old will be sent out on The Blademasters Pilgrimage, a Rite of Passage for children in the capital city of Azaron. The children go out in groups of three on a journey designed to test their strength, will, and wits in a real life situation, only returning after the twenty-sixth of the next year. One such child by the name of Ivan waits impatiently, unable to sleep with the excitement of finally going on his Pilgrimage. As he runs his fingers through his hair, he wonders what the next year of his life will entail. His crystal blue eyes look about his room, for it will be the last time he sees it, possibly ever. Some people never return from their pilgrimage. As Ivan finally falls to sleep, something flashes across his vision. Something dark, and sinister. Ivan thinks It's just my eyes playing tricks on me as sleep finally closes it's grasp on him.
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Post by Daniel Tak on Apr 25, 2009 13:02:06 GMT -5
Nice start so far! I like the idea of the pilgrimage, as it sets the stage for a great plot that can cover a broad amount of information. Please keep updating whenever possible.  (Also, isn't cities supposed to be city's?) |
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 25, 2009 14:32:56 GMT -5
yes, it is. Fixed it. Expect the first chapter later tonight(if we're lucky)!
sorry for the double post, wanted to keep the chapter clean of trash like this
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 25, 2009 20:00:25 GMT -5
Ivan awakens to the sound of a rooster in the distance. One of these days, he'll have to get rid of that. As the thought flashes through his mind, he realizes he won't have to deal with it anymore, because today is the day he leaves for his pilgrimage. He quickly throws on his clothes and grabs his training sword before going to the pavillion.
The pavillion is packed! As Ivan works his way to the front of the crowd, he hears the booming voice of the Arch-Bishop through the crowd. "Today, we send off our youth, to realize their potential, but not before welcoming home those who left last year on The Blademasters Pilgrimage! Let us welcome the first of our students, Zeke!" Ivan only half listens to the names of the returning children, for there is only one he is looking for. His childhood friend, Zeal. an hour passes, and his name is not called. Why isn't Zeal back? Where is he? as Ivan thinks this, the Arch-Bishop continues his speech. "While we have much to rejoice for this day, we shall take a moment to mourn the passing of one trio of students. This trio consists of the apprentice bladesmen; Aaron, Blaine, and Zeal..." Ivan couldn't believe it. is best frind from childhood, passed on the pilgrimage? He was well known as the best swordsman out of all the students in the village, and his death didn't make any sense. Before he could continue his train of thought, the Arch-Bishop continued on. "It is regretable that these favorite pupils of mine have passed, but today is a joyous occasion! Now, let me introduce the first trio to embark on this years pilgrimage, Zaine, Vince, and Jason!" Three boys walked onto the stage, beaming with pride at their turn to adventure, but Ivan wasn't paying attention. He was still in shock over the death of his best friend. His mind was racing, trying to think of how this tragedy could have befallen Zeal, when he became aware that everybody was staring at him. The Arch-Bishop had called his name, and he didn't hear it! Not a good way to start off his journey. He quickly walked up to the stage to join his trio, a boy and a girl, neither of which he'd ever seen before. Great, I just made a horrible impression on complete strangers, who I now have to spend a year with. The Arch-Bishop cleared his throat, before continuing on. "Now, it is time for the final trio to hand in their training swords, so they can recieve the Journeyman's blades that will be their greatest ally in the days to come. Hand over your training swords." Ivan handed over his blade quickly, determined not to make a fool of himself again. He would have to introduce himself to these strangers later, if he wanted to be able to rely on them. "Now, children. Go, and put the past behind you! Today, you embark on a new future!"
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Post by Dragon Yoshi on Apr 27, 2009 16:35:13 GMT -5
cool right up my ally.
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 27, 2009 17:56:43 GMT -5
yeah, I'm a sci-fi/fantasy junkie, so this sort of stuff comes naturally to me. Also, fantasy roleplayer. used to play D&D, but not so much anymore. or at all.
EDIT: Also, it's Alley, not Ally.
Alley: a passage, as through a continuous row of houses, permitting access from the street to backyards, garages, etc.
Ally: to unite formally, as by treaty, league, marriage, or the like (usually fol. by with or to): Russia allied itself to France.
sorry, grammer nazi
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Post by Dragon Yoshi on Apr 27, 2009 18:31:41 GMT -5
Like I said Gramer is not my strong point.
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 27, 2009 21:21:30 GMT -5
It's quite possibly my strongest point. One day, you'll become accustomed to being corrected by me. It's a hobby of mine.
expect the next chapter eventually
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Exodus Blank
Forum Member
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
Posts: 60
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Post by Exodus Blank on Apr 28, 2009 15:57:44 GMT -5
GRAMMAR TIEM WITH MR. BLANK:
LIKE I SAID, GRAMMAR IS NOT MY STRONG POINT
you're welcome, Yoshi
this has been grammar Tiem with Mr. Blank.
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 28, 2009 15:58:58 GMT -5
Blank, if you won't provide constructive criticism on my story, please continue to post. It makes me laugh.
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Post by Dragon Yoshi on Apr 28, 2009 18:40:43 GMT -5
F*** you both
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 28, 2009 20:12:22 GMT -5
oh, come on. Grammar time? HAMMER TIME?
That's gold
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Post by Jessica™♫ on Apr 30, 2009 21:02:34 GMT -5
awesome story!!! It's better than mine  you can post that story in my forum if you want  |
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Post by Scarecrow on Apr 30, 2009 21:30:03 GMT -5
you really think it's that good?
I've already planned out a good portion of the plot, but I'm most of the stuff is improvised(It's the only way I do anything)
I mostly used the skills I developed from my years of role-playing. As I write this, I realize I'm inflating my ego perhaps a tad too much, so I'll just stop it here.
EXPECT CHAPTER 2 BY THE END OF THE WEEKEND
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Exodus Blank
Forum Member
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
Posts: 60
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Post by Exodus Blank on May 1, 2009 22:10:35 GMT -5
This stuff is so good it should require a Megachillax Gold Account to view.
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Post by Daniel Tak on May 2, 2009 14:23:15 GMT -5
Ivan awakens to the sound of a rooster in the distance. One of these days, he'll have to get rid of that. As the thought flashes through his mind, he realizes he won't have to deal with it anymore, because today is the day he leaves for his pilgrimage. He quickly throws on his clothes and grabs his training sword before going to the pavillion. The pavillion is packed! As Ivan works his way to the front of the crowd, he hears the booming voice of the Arch-Bishop through the crowd. "Today, we send off our youth, to realize their potential, but not before welcoming home those who left last year on The Blademasters Pilgrimage! Let us welcome the first of our students, Zeke!" Ivan only half listens to the names of the returning children, for there is only one he is looking for. His childhood friend, Zeal. an hour passes, and his name is not called. Why isn't Zeal back? Where is he? as Ivan thinks this, the Arch-Bishop continues his speech. "While we have much to rejoice for this day, we shall take a moment to mourn the passing of one trio of students. This trio consists of the apprentice bladesmen; Aaron, Blaine, and Zeal..." Ivan couldn't believe it. is best frind from childhood, passed on the pilgrimage? He was well known as the best swordsman out of all the students in the village, and his death didn't make any sense. Before he could continue his train of thought, the Arch-Bishop continued on. "It is regretable that these favorite pupils of mine have passed, but today is a joyous occasion! Now, let me introduce the first trio to embark on this years pilgrimage, Zaine, Vince, and Jason!" Three boys walked onto the stage, beaming with pride at their turn to adventure, but Ivan wasn't paying attention. He was still in shock over the death of his best friend. His mind was racing, trying to think of how this tragedy could have befallen Zeal, when he became aware that everybody was staring at him. The Arch-Bishop had called his name, and he didn't hear it! Not a good way to start off his journey. He quickly walked up to the stage to join his trio, a boy and a girl, neither of which he'd ever seen before. Great, I just made a horrible impression on complete strangers, who I now have to spend a year with. The Arch-Bishop cleared his throat, before continuing on. "Now, it is time for the final trio to hand in their training swords, so they can recieve the Journeyman's blades that will be their greatest ally in the days to come. Hand over your training swords." Ivan handed over his blade quickly, determined not to make a fool of himself again. He would have to introduce himself to these strangers later, if he wanted to be able to rely on them. "Now, children. Go, and put the past behind you! Today, you embark on a new future!" I like this! Zeal's death makes Ivan's pilgrimage harder and shows that he will need to overcome his initial fear. Please continue with the next chapter. (I also like the relative brevity of the chapters, since it makes it easier to read.) PS: What did you get on the Writing section for the S.A.T.s? |
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Post by Scarecrow on May 2, 2009 17:51:27 GMT -5
actually, I bombed the writing section of the SATs.
They had no idea what they were talking about, though.
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Post by Daniel Tak on May 2, 2009 18:14:44 GMT -5
Yeah, crazy test makers.  Say, I should probably update my story so that I am on chapter 3 while you're on chapter 2.  |
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Post by Scarecrow on May 3, 2009 14:08:26 GMT -5
Ivan looks at his new companions, taking in everything about them. The female is just a bit taller than him, with red hair that hangs down to the small of her back. Her attire is simple, yet effective, designed for mobility. If Ivan were to guess, she would use a sword style based more on agility than power. Her green eyes reflect the figure of his other companion. The boy is short, and wearing a strange mask on his face. In fact, not a single bit of his skin was showing. His outfit is strange as well, not resembling traditional attire in the slightest. The only feature the boy seems to let people see is his spiky white hair. Suddenly, he spoke. "Well, Ivan. I hope you're not as absent minded on our journey as you were during the morning ceremony. I will not be held back by your incompetence." Ivan became furious. "Who the hell do you think you are?! I'll have you know I'm the best swordsman at my acadamy!" The girl immediately stepped in to interrupt them. "Would you two knock it off! Ivan, we're all the best from the three schools of swordsmanship. That's why they put us on the same team. You would know this if you were paying attention this morning. I guess that means we need to introduce ourselves, too. My name is Kris, and this is Scion. His family came here a few years ago from another country." That explained the clothing, but something about him still bothered Ivan. He put it in the back of his mind, there are still things he needed to discuss with them. "What do you guys think about what happened to Zeal and his team? The Arch-Bishop never said anything about what happened, only that they didn't survive, but they were the best students from the schools last year! There's no way they would have been careless enough to let eachother die..." Kris sighed before turning to look Ivan in the eyes. "Ivan, accidents happen. Chances are, it was something that nobody could foresee, but ass the Arch-Bishop said, we need to put the past behind us. Everybody else will be heading for the temple in Eran to start their pilgrimage, so I think we should head to the temple in Thearall instead, so we can avoid the other groups for a while."
Far from Azaron, in the city of Darril, a cloaked figure moves through the city streets. The people around him are all fools, following the ways of the Arch-Bishop and his Pilgrimage. The figure makes it's way to the temple, to await the first trio to reach the city. Students always went to Eran first, so they would have 6 temples to go through before they made it to Darril, and then another two before they could return to Azaron. For now, the figure would have to continue decieving the temple workers, making them believe he was a faithful servant of their false gods. The time would come when he would make the truth known.
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Post by Scarecrow on May 6, 2009 20:05:55 GMT -5
Ivan looks over the horizon at the fading city of Azaron. The idea once again occurs to him that he might never see his home again. He looks forward to see that his companions have already continued on without him. As he rushes to catch up, they stop abruptly. His eyes follow theirs, settling upon a particularly dark forest. Scion steps forward without further hesitation. "If we can't make it through this forest, then there will be no chance of us passing the trials at the Temples of the Nine Deities. You do remember the deities, right Ivan?" Ivan was insulted. "Everybody knows about the deities, Scion." "Fine then. Who are they and why do we follow their ways?" Ivan stepped forward. "The nine deities are mortal swordsman who managed to transcend into immortality by slaying endless hordes of demonic warriors." Scion chuckled. "Is that what you really believe? There's no such thing as demons. These are just a bunch of normal guys that they made out to be legendary heroes in order to train their future army. You'd be foolish to believe otherwise." Ivan became enraged. "You shut the hell up! You're not even from here, you couldn't possibly understand our ways!" Kris stepped in between them, anger striking her face for the first time. "Dammit, would you both stop arguing! If you two don't get along, there's no chance of us being able to complete the pilgrimage anyways!" They looked at her, realizing she was right. Scion sighed heavily. "Alright. Ivan, you better be useful, I'm not here to babysit you." With that, they walked on into the forest.
The trees blocked out what little remnants of light were left. As the trio wanders through the forest, the temperature drops to near-freezing levels. The leaves ruffle as if they have a life of their own. It's been several hours, and Ivan is beginning to think the forest will never end. Kris turns from her position in front of the group and speaks quietly. "Alright, we'll rest here. One of us will be guard, and every 3 hours we'll rotate. Alright? Ivan, you go first. Scion and I will set up camp." They walked off into the distance a bit, leaving Ivan alone. Great, so I get stuck out in the cold and dark, responsible for the lives of my companions. They better hope I can stay awake. Well, at least if I'm not sleeping, I won't have those nightmares anymore... Ivan takes out his sword and begins to examine it. It really is much nicer than the training sword he used back at the academy. He swings it a few times in the air before hearing a stick crack behind him. As he turns to face his enemy, he drops the blade. "Wh... What are you?" The creature comes closer to him, while he retreats slowly. The creature is bipedal, with vicious red eyes that glow in the darkness. It's skin is black, only visible by the faint moonlight shining through the trees. It extends it's hand out to Ivan, almost in invitation. Ivan carefully reaches towards the creature, afraid of what might happen, but also curious as to what it has to offer. The moment the two come into contact, Ivan writhes with pain. His vision fades, and he can no longer see the creature. As the world goes black around him, he wonders if this was the end, if he would die before his pilgrimage even had a chance to truly begin...
His eyes force themselves open, and he feels his hands, searching for wounds. Was it another one of my nightmares? No, that was far to vivid, I can't believe it wasn't true. At this, Scion comes from around the bushes. He looks to Ivan and chuckles a bit. "Why so sweaty? Have a rough shift? Good, at least that means you'll be willing to fight for us, although your skill has yet to be proved. Go back to camp, your shift is over." Ivan didn't have the energy to argue, nor did he feel like telling Scion about his encounter. He carefully scoops up his sword and makes his way to the camp.
Meanwhile, in the city of Hale, somewhat south of Thearall, a dark figure sits in the corner of a pub. His cloak is tattered, and the scabbard to his blade has clearly seen better days. Suddenly, his attention is drawn to the northwest, at something unseen far in the distance. He immediately sends a signal via dark magic to their operative in Thearall, telling him of the group who decided to go through the temples in reverse. In Thearall, a tall man recieves the message, and decides on his next course of action. He will greet them at the end of their first temple, and they will know the truth about their journey...
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